Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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