I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize