I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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