I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
