Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
