Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
