Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
