he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
