he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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