She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
