i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
