So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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