She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize