I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
