I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
