thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
