I wish my penis had an off switch
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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