peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
