You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
