the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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