Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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