I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
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Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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