I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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