I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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