I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
whose parrot is this?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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