Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
