hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Drunk is not a location!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
