So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
