the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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