On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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