While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My vagina just clenched in fear
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
