wakey wakey hands off snakey
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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