woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
