i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
