my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
