I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
