why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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