Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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