so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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