every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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