I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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