Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
