my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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