Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
