That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
