my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
