so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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