And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
