so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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