weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
