you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
