do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
