dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Less talking, more tequila
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
