His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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