Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
