I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize