So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
