oh god the rape fog is back!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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