You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
