I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.