I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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