How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
