OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
