overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
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We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
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I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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