there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
