maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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