but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
