i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
