I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
