I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
please come you make the beer taste better
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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