there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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