Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
