I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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