dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
the raccoons are back...
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