His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
