gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
