he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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