he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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