there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
