i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
