you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
