You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
