Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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