so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
