come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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